Do you ever wake up in the middle of the night to those infomercials? You know, the ones telling you they know how to become a millionaire within the next month? Don’t get me wrong, there are some infomercials that glue me to the TV, like that huge cupcake maker…or the mop that doesn’t leave streaks. Man, I could use both of those. But those damn money commercials piss me off. If they worked as well as they say they do, wouldn’t everyone be a millionaire by now?

See, thats the problem with us Americans. We live to work, and other countries work to live. Americans compete a lot, don’t you see that? We want the best cars, the best shoes, and let’s face it…if someone has something better, we want that, too.

It seems we are never satisfied. So I’m guessing these “Get Rich” scam artists are pretty smart..they know Americans all want the big bucks.

My husband and his family all daydream about what they’d do if they won the lottery. I don’t just mean vague conversations about it. I mean specifics. They all go into detail about every last dollar. And It’s not the $500 they win in their daydreams, its always the Mega Millions…And those greedy asses never even buy me anything in their dreams, assholes. My husband even says that when he wins..(not IF) he will put the money in someone else’s name so I don’t “Take him to the cleaners”. What…..a monster.

I guess being rich would be cool. But what would you do once the money runs out? Ive watched those shows on A&E about the Lottery winners who are now flat broke, and I laugh my big butt off.

My mom always said, “If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.” Besides, I have my own “Get Rich Quick” scam. By Tuesday morning I plan on being Tiger Wood’s 11th mistress.

That’s right, I’m going to call People Magazine, and tell them all about it. Then once Tiger finds out, he’ll have no choice but to pay me off like the rest of them. I know this will work, because of 2 reasons: I am breathing, and I have a Vagina. As a matter of fact, I doubt #2 is even a requirement at this point in time.

Now, what to wear on my ET interview….