I’ve been on Facebook for 2 months now, and I’ve already noticed that there are groups of different kinds of Facebookers.

Listed below are just my observations, so if you’re a Die-hard Facebook King/Queen, don’t get all defensive. I’m just sayin’.

Barely There Facebooker:

This person is on Facebook, but they have a picture from 4 yrs ago that is their default. They never post statuses. They rarely show us they are still an active account. These people do not annoy me, well because they are barely there to do so. They are simply on Facebook and will check their emails whenever they feel like it.I think we should all be this kind of Facebooker.

The Depressant

This person always seems so unhappy. They post things like “I am having the worst day ever.” ” I hate my life.” & “The only thing that would be worse than today is two days like today”. They never seem happy, about anything. And if it’s a happy day, they make something bad out of it. “Today I won a million dollars, why couldn’t it be 2? FML” These people may be annoying, but it sure is entertaining.

The Anti- Depressant

This person is the total opposite of the Depressant, hence the name Anti- Depressant. This person always has a positive view on life, even when life hands them a bucket of rotten apples.

Example : “It’s not what happens to you, it’s what we do about it! I know things aren’t going well, but I wont let that dampen my spirits!!!!! I will Surviiiiive!”. These people make me wonder what they’re really thinking.

The “Stalk Me” Facebooker

We all know someone like this. They post over and over and over again about what they’re doing, who they’re with  and what they’re thinking while doing it. Their stauses go a little something like this

“Goodmoring, FB…Taking a shower…” 9:21am

“Drying my ass off”….9:42am

“Headed to work” 10:29am

“I made it to work..is it 5 yet” 11:00am

“On lunch, having a turkey sandwich with no cheese.” 2:17pm

“My co worker is making me mad:” 4:15pm

“Headed home” 5:00pm

“Eating dinner, then watching Full house with my boyfriend” 7:30pm

“Goodnight FB, Im tired now.” 9:43pm

These people leave me thinking : Who cares?!?!?! And whats even worse is that seeing them pop up so much makes me think of them even more. Its not cool that while I’m washing my hair I think about what they’re having for lunch.

The Preacher

This Facebooker uses facebook as an extra source to spread the word of God. Nothing wrong with that. But whats annoying is that its EVERY status! And they then come to your page and bless you with e-water.It makes me wonder if anything they do doesn’t involve The Almighty.

Example:

“This morning while being fired I praised God; for all things are possible through him……”

Forget Me Not Facebooker

This person takes Facebook very seriously. They have Farmville, Mafia Wars, and every other application. …and they invite you daily, even though you hit “IGNORE” 6 times already! They give e-hugs, gifts, ihearts, and whatever else they can get their eyes on. It makes you wonder…do they want to make sure everyone knows they’re there? We see you!!!! We know you just sent us a Giant Christmas Tree over the internet! We see that you lost your turtle and need help finding it. Its just that something called LIFE is happening and its pretty unlikely that all of your friends can play with you all day. Go watch tv.

Bad Grammer Facebooker

I understand that for some people, misspelling is cool. (no clue why)

But there is no way that these people are serious about their sentences. Example:

“OMG wut Iz TiGerr Woodzzzz Thinkin? Hiz Wif Iz soo Hottttt but he iz uggggly and gettin all deeez ladeez. I wud Nevaa evaa do dat 2 mah soulmate!”

Um, what?

Mark Twain Facebooker

These facebookers love to write paragraphs for every status. No matter what they write about, they will find a way to make a novel out of it. How many letters are we allowed anyway? Do these people pay for more words to be included? It’s like they have to live up to  a word limit each day. Example:

“I went to the mall today and found these great jeans. But once I got home, I tried them on and they were too big! It must be the diet Im on, Im so happy. I am going to take these back tomorrow and get a smaller pair, I love Jenny craig, I didnt want to start a diet, I was vry doubtfu, but all my hard work has paid off and now I am 13 lbs lighter! I dont have a scale, though I weighed myself at my doctor’s office. I tired to get a scale the other day and it was 60 bucks. Thats too much because I only work part time right now. Maybe when I work full time I will buy a scale”…

Thank you, Mark Twain, for that information.

So, with all that being said, what kind of Facebooker are you?

Editor’s Note: No particular person(s) are characterized in this post, although if you at any point you are offended, I was probably thinking of you in my mind.