I just got home from grocery shopping, and let me tell you:

I….AM….POOPED!

When did this become so exhausting?

I’ll tell you when…..WHEN WE MOVED TO NEW YORK CITY!

Everything about grocery shopping was fun to me before we lived here. Call me odd, but I love to shop – even if it’s for food. I love the cabinets and refrigerator after they are all stocked up and when I have more than 2 options on what to make for dinner. I love jumping up from my throne when I’m craving some chocolate – and actually HAVING it…

But ever since I’ve lived here, grocery shopping has become torture. Let me walk you guys through my routine of grocery shopping.

First, I have to break the news to my youngest, Little Miss Sugar, who to my surprise- loathes shopping. With myself, and my oldest who would rather shop then breathe- it was a bit disturbing to hear such news. Daddy, on the other hand is pretty pumped about having one of us on his side.

After much hassle and a bribe or two – we head out the door and climb into the car. This is my “Pep Talk” with Little Miss Sugar. The talk that reminds her that she’d better behave if she knows what’s good for her. After she agrees, and I apply my lipgloss – (You never know when You’ll run into someone you know) we go into the store and fight over where she sits. In the front of the cart, or the back. Most times I give in, and she sits in the back, crushing my bag of Lay’s that I will later devour in one day.

The time comes when the cart is full, and everything on the list is checked off. By this time my arms hurt from pushing the cart, and my mind hurts from watching Little Miss Spice walk away from me 20 different times. <—-Yes, she got out of the cart after lots of begging.

I’m at the counter and I just want to fall asleep. Of course, they make sure that all the Easter candy is on display – and within arms reach for the little people. Little Miss Spice begs, and begs. and begs. But I  don’t give in. I feel proud for about 2 minutes, until I see all the candy she secretly tossed in the cart. That little…….

Oh well, I’ll just put it back, next to the OK Magazine with Brad and Angelina on the cover. Wow, she’s really pretty…

I pay the $238, and become frustrated when I find out they are all out of plastic- and are giving me all paper. Be quiet, tree huggers!

The bagging guy helps me put it all in the trunk, I pay him, and we’re on our way….“Well I guess it wasnt that bad”, I think to myself.

Then I turn the corner only to see that there is no parking in front of my apartment. “Breathe… “ I tell myself. I double park, walk Little Miss Sugar inside, give her a juice and some marshmallows and carry the groceries inside – two at a time since I have PAPER BAGS!!!!

After all 11 bags are inside, and my legs hate me, I get Little Miss Spice, go to the car and find parking. I walk a block and a half home, I fall to the sofa and try to forget the best part :

Putting them all away.

Do you have a hard time grocery shopping where you live?

What do you do when your Kindergartner hates going to school?

That’s the problem I am in currently.

Last year when Little Miss Spice was in Pre-K, she came home so enthused about her day. She couldnt even wait till we got home to tell me all about it. What she learned, what she drew, and about her stickers she got for being smart. She was in love with school, and I was in love with seeing her so happy.

This year, though has been drastically different. In the beginning, she loved it. She still came home happy, still gushed about her day, still had stickers as proof that she was smart. Her first report card was not short of perfection. She was excelling at everything. Reading, writing, social management, interacting with peers, math, & science. Her teacher had nothing negative to say. She even told us that if Little Miss Spice didn’t learn anything for the next year, and 1st grade, she’d still be ready for 2nd grade.

Great, right?

Wrong. I’m beginning to think she’s bored with school. Maybe that’s her reason for coming home so unenthusiastic. Or the reason my not even 6 year old reminds me of myself in my high school days. Begging to stay home, pretending I was sick.

I don’t know what to do. I always thought placing her in the gifted programs meant pushing her too hard. But am I failing her for keeping her in regular classes, when she could be showing signs of boredom, and possibly not learning much for the next year?

Do Your Kids Hate School?

If you don’t know what a Reality Show is in this decade, you have been living underneath a rock. A huge rock.

When I saw my first reality show I was a bit annoyed. One because I didn’t know why anyone would want to watch real events in peoples lives for fun. And two, because I was watching real events  in people’s lives for fun.

Since my first time watching reality, there has been an explosion of them all over the damn place. From American Idol to The Bachelor, I have no clue what to do with my relax time.

Being a music lover, I find it a bit frustrating that MTV (short for Music Television) has so many reality shows that it’s lost itself in the process. Hello? Where’s the Music? The only drop of music I see now is that hillbilly from Rock of Love playing his “geetar” for the 30 not so classy ladies that are fighting for him….Which grosses me out. Have they seen him at all??

Nevermind the “find a spouse” reality shows, let’s head over to the clueless department. Clueless meaning this should be your state of mind when watching shows like Fantasia, Real Housewives, The Hills and even though Kim’s ass makes up for her brains – Keeping Up With The Kardashians. I can’t help but ponder to myself “Self, don’t you have anything better to do than Watch The guidos from Jersey Shore fight over hair gel and Lasagna?” And quite frankly the answer is “NO.”

Do you know why, America?

Because society is NUTS for these shows. And if you don’t know who Hugh Hefner is boinking these days, you are considered a loser.

America has officially gone mad for these reality shows. Do you ever find it strange that Breaking News now consists of Heidi Montag’s latest boob job? Or Snooki’s “Bumpit”?

I can’t help but wonder why people like Coolio, M C Hammer, and Hulk Hogan can bounce from “Who????” to having their own shows. Who comes up with these ideas?

Do you watch reality shows? Which ones?

My hubby and I both have pretty thick eyebrows… Mine I pluck or wax, while he decides to look like “The Count” from Sesame Street. “ONE…..ahh ahh ahh.” Sorry, I just can’t say “The Count” without imitating him.

Anywho, having 2 girls with our hairy genetics really scared me. There was a huge risk of giving birth to two “Counts”, or even worse…. Bert.

Yea that’s not cute.

I’ve always said Little Miss Spice resembles Madonna’s daughter, Lourdes. How cute is she, right? Shes got the same wavy brown hair, and I’m starting to worry that she may be headed in her direction with the brows as well. If you’ve never seen Lourdes’ brows, allow me to show you.

Now I understand that its completely superficial to care about things like eyebrows and such but shit. I don’t want my baby running around looking like a baby gorilla.!

I have heard of moms plucking as early as 4 yrs old, and that just grosses me out. I cry when I pluck my own eyebrows, and usually it’s because I’m watching a Lifetime movie….but a little because it FRIGGIN hurts!

I can’t imagine plucking my 5 1/2 year old’s brows anytime soon. But then it takes me to this question……

When is a child old enough to pluck their brows?

My 5 year old, Little Miss Spice, is too smart for her own good. She asks questions “normal” 5 year old girls would never dream of. She has asked me about Religion, Homosexuality, The President and now the Toothfairy. lol (backwards, right?)

I have decided that the truth has always worked in our home.

Little Miss Spice has always been a skeptic. For years she knew that characters like Dora the Explorer are just that; characters. Pretty sad because I remember being 10 and still believing Fred Flinstone was a real person in a cartoon costume. She asks why my handwriting is on gifts from Santa, and why she could see someone’s face in the bunny costume at the mall.

In the beginning of her curious behavior, I was unsure what to say. Do I tell my 5 year old the truth about the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus and the Toothfairy? Or do I let her keep dreaming about these ‘magical’ things other kids believe in? After much thought, I decided to tell the truth, and the next time she asked I was prepared.

Little Miss Spice : “Mommy, is the Tooth fairy real, or make believe?” she asked.

Me: “The ToothFairy is make believe.” I told her, cautiously.

She paused for a moment. And I began to question my decision.

Then she Blurted out,

“Well then who puts money under my pillow when I lose a tooth?”

I took a breath and replyed

“Mommy & Daddy”

Then another long pause. It looked like she was in deep thought…then she got up from the sofa and said

“Why would you sneak in and put money under my pillow? Can’t you just hand it to me when I’m Awake?!?!?”

We laughed and when on with the day. I was pretty surprised she took it so well.

Now I’m just waiting for her to ask about Santa. *sigh*

Are Your kids curious about make believe? Do you tell  them the truth?

I consider myself a pretty open minded person. There are only 2 subjects I will NOT budge on. One is The Death Penalty (DISAGREE) the other is Gay Rights (AGREE!!)

I have been an advocate for Gay Rights for as long as I can remember. The fact that America calls our country a free one stuck me as odd. Free to what?

In this country we are told what to think, what to hear, what to do believe, and who to be with.

We are taught that Homosexuality is a sin, which I never understood because according to the Bible, so is eating Shrimp.

The fact that the Bible has statements like these,- along with ones that say your children should be stoned to death for disobeying- tells me that it’s time for CHANGE. We are living in a different age. As Americans, we don’t follow a great deal of the Bible in this day and age, so why the views on Homosexuality?

Last night, President Obama addressed the fact that the “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” policy in the military should be repealed. The U.S.Military’s Policy of discrimination was placed in 1993 – and hopefully, 2010 will be the year of change for the Gay Community.

This policy- although many Americans have said the policy “works” , it discriminates against gay soldiers who are fighting for our country the same as their fellow soldiers are. But exposing who they are will cause them to lose their job. Freedom? Really?

General John Shalikashvili, Former Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff says that the military’s policy on discharging gay, lesbian, and bisexual soldiers from the ranks of the U.S. military is bad policy.

“Studies have shown that three-quarters of service members say they are personally comfortable around gays and lesbians.  Two-thirds say they already know or suspect gay people in their units. This raises important questions about the assertion that openly gay service would impair the military. In fact, it shows that gays and lesbians in the military have already been accepted by the average soldier,” Shalikashvili says.

But not accepted by America….Let Freedom Ring.

Facts:

***Nearly 800 specialists with critical skills have been fired from the U.S. military under DADT, including more than 300 linguists, at least 60 of whom specialized in Arabic.

***More than 65,000 gay, lesbian and bisexual Americans are already protecting our homeland (Urban Institute report). More than 13,000 have been discharged under DADT since the policy was implemented in 1993

***American taxpayers have paid between $250 million and $1.2 billion to investigate, eliminate and replace qualified, patriotic service members who want to serve their country but can’t, because expressing their sexual orientation violates DADT

Dora the Duckie here is Little Miss Sugar’s favorite toy. She has had it since birth, and likes to play with her pretty often. She sometimes even brings Dora to the table to have lunch with her while “they” watch cartoons.

Yesterday when the livingroom floor looked like Hurricane Katrina ran through it, I asked the girls to clean it up. As usual, their reaction was as though they had to clean poo off the toilet.

I understand first hand how much cleaning sucks sometimes. But if I continue to clean up after them, they learn nothing, and I am a maid for the next 16 + years. Yea, thats not going to happen.

Little Miss Spice whined for a bit, but realized Mama wasn’t budging. She started to pick her toys up and take them to her room. Little Miss Sugar decided she was just too good for cleaning.

I tried everything, from “Youre not going to be able to play in the livingroom anymore if you dont clean up” to “Do you want to sit in time out?” and then I finally thought of an idea.

Dora the Duckie was in her hands as she was sitting on the floor. I took Dora and put her on top of the refrigerator. Little Miss Sugar went WILD.

I told her that Dora was in jail, and it was up to her to get her out.  Dora needed her to clean up the livingroom so she can come back to play. First she looked at me like I was an ass. Then 2-3 minutes later she asked when she can have her back.

“Dora is in jail and she can’t come back until you clean up the livingroom. Then she can come out and play.”

I have never seen her clean faster! Within 5 minutes, the livingroom actually looked like an adult area. No toys, books or barbies covering the floor.

If this idea was so easy, Dora the Duckie can plan on being put in the Slammer more often.

Do you take things away from your kids to bargain with them?

Well, I wouldn’t know, but just ask Little Miss Spice. She has been sick for about a week now, and she finally got bad enough to take to the docs.

Verdict : Strep Throat!

I’ve never had it, so I dont know what it’s like…but word on the street is that it’s no joke!

Doctor’s orders are that she take it easy, stay away from Little Miss Sugar, and stay home from school for a week…

A WEEK???? Whats my sanity going to be like then? lol.

The worst part is how excited Little Miss Spice was to go on her field trip tomorrow. =( It’s a good thing she’s already seen The Princess And The Frog.

Tomorrow for lunch, Im planning on camping out in the livingroom with a tent, a movie on demand, some peanut butter sandwiches and cups of Jell-O. Hopefully she’ll forget all about that trip her Friends will be on.

What do you do to make your child feel better?

….Again.

I cannot even beging to count how many diets I have tried. Low carb, no carb, Master Cleanse, and even fasting.

With any diet, I see the same result…FRUSTRATION.

Anyone who knows me knows I can EAT! I am not the kind of girl that will shy away from food and order the salad. In fact, I remember being on a date and ordering a Burger, fries, soda, AND a side of Chicken Wings…No shame in my game.

And those same people who know me also know I don’t like to exercise. I hate to sweat, and I run on only 3 occasions:

A.) Someone is chasing me.

B.) The phone is ringing.

C.) There is a 50% off sale at Victoria’s Secret.

With my love for food, and my laziness in the workout department, I am preventing myself from being the confident gal I used to be. I used to look good, and feel good too. These days, I seem to get the same statement from people trying to make me feel better:

“You look good for having 2 kids”

Really? Is that a compliment or an insult?

You don’t tell Chelsea Handler she’s funny for being a Jew. She’s just funny. And I don’t want to look good for having kids. I just want to look good. Even more-so, I want to feel good again.

What are your tricks to lose weight? Do you stick to a Weight Loss Plan/Diet?

Nothing annoys me more than someone ignoring what I’m saying. Bad enough I’ve got a husband who tones me out, but now I’ve got 2 mini Divas doing the same.

From “Pick up your toys” to “Eat your dinner” to “Stay in bed”…I’ve completely turned into the nagging woman I always despised. Why?

Because my kids dont listen!

Yesterday while cooking dinner, I asked the girls to pick up their toys from the living room floor. They both acted as though I asked them to stop the war in Afghanistan. They were pouting and whining that they didn’t know where the toys went… so instead of asking for help, they decided to pretend they didn’t hear me.

Mommy won’t notice if we keep quiet and lay on the couch right?

WRONG!

I don’t understand how my kids don’t listen to me, but Dora the Freakin Explorer can get them to clap their hands and shake their hips faster than Shakira.

Do your kids ignore you?